Making Friends with Geese and Assholes
Geese are assholes.
That’s hardly a revelation or a bold statement. A vast majority of the human species agree that geese are pests, jerks, and an annoyance. Often, geese are insistent beggars. They often attack without provocation (see here and here among only two of thousands of video examples). And they can become a public nuisance with people considering extreme examples to rid themselves of the bird.
In regards to the latter, a high school friend whose family have a summer home in a close-knit North Georgia neighborhood had a goose problem at their community lake. The neighborhood caretaker told the residents that he would “take care” of the issue if no one asked questions. The geese disappeared, likely ending up in a freezer for future goose dinners.
The point is: NO ONE LIKES GEESE! It’s literally the one platform point all political parties agree upon and why the issue never stirs debate!
When we moved to the Rhino Ranch last year, my hope was to attract ducks and feed catfish just as my father had done on his lake in Alabama. But for me, both have been elusive so far. Instead, at least a dozen Canada Geese have frequented our lake on their migration back north.
Well, crap!
But this season, we sort of took the goose invasion in stride. Taking a more expansive look at it, we conceded that geese are beautiful birds. I actually love hearing them fly overhead with their distinctive honking. And there is a certain grace when any waterfowl – geese included – come in for a landing on water with a comforting swoooossshhhhhhh.
When we realized that my newly constructed nesting boxes would not attract wood ducks this season, my wife decided to go ahead and feed the geese bread and later cracked corn when we learned that bread is junk food for birds.
We actually came to love two particular geese – whom we call Cartman and Kenny, knowing full well that the slightly smaller waterfowl with the angular tail feathers was actually female, a gander.
The birds imparted a lesson that even the unlovable can be loved and must be loved. While they would on a rare occasion hiss, most often they seemed to be grateful for the attention and would descend onto our lake when she called out “Duck, Duck, Duck.” (Not sure anyone, especially our neighbors, got the joke even when the geese responded to her call and flew in).
The preference for ducks but having to resort to geese makes me realize that while most people love having ducks around, no one wants geese around. But which ones need the love, attention, and understanding the most?
Embracing the undesirables is hardly without precedent.
The Bible tells us that Jesus Christ himself recruited his disciples not from rabbis and rich men but from tax collectors, fisherman, street walkers, and others. Gandhi gave up his social standing and law career to advocate among the poor and downtrodden of India. And in the classic movie Dirty Dozen. Major John Reisman played by Lee Marvin is ordered to lead a top-secret mission to train some of the Army’s worst prisoners and turn them into commandos.
At some point, the geese made me think of two Toms: Tom Hanks and Tom Sizemore, who appeared together in another war movie, Saving Private Ryan.
Tom Hanks, one of the most recognizable and loved people on the planet, clearly has no problems in the friends department. He’s universally renowned as one of the nicest, friendliest people on the planet. It’s reflected in social media where he has 16.4 million followers on Twitter alone, where he spends most of his time finding home for orphaned gloves and other clothes.
Tom Sizemore, on the other hand, has become infamous for his relationship with Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss, numerous allegations of sexual abuse, and long-standing substance abuse. Although an accomplished actor himself, one of his most famous televised appearances was on a reality rehabilitation series. And he has faced court dates around drug possession charges as recently as 2019. As of this writing, this Tom has 1,331 followers on Twitter.
So which Tom might need our friendship the most?
I’m certainly not suggesting that we should disregard character completely. But perhaps we should look beyond the immediate physical and obvious characteristics of a person – or bird – before dismissing them out of hand. Jesus, Gandhi, and Major Reisman didn’t.
You might have to trod over some crap, but feel free to walk among the geese and the ducks. There might a good friend or two if you don’t spend so much time watching your step.
